Upon a serious matter #1

If I had known back, then what I know now I would never have gone with him but the simple fact is I didn’t know the information on this issue then. The; lack of information led me to twenty years of hell even though I tried to leave him four times in fact I left him but he always came back into my life and wormed his way back.  To the point I had to move miles from where I have my family but it was the best move I have made. There are still areas I have to work to sorting out but I aim to get the old me back but much wiser than before.
The reason I am writing this now is that others need to know the signs of abuse. Perhaps I can help some one in the situation I was in, or stop people from getting into that situation in the first place. All too often abusers are extremely clever and able to manipulate the situation.
The collins English dictionary describes domestic abuse as physical or psychological abuse towards a member of the household according to the collins dictionary 1 in 5 women had experienced domestic abuse during their lives.

It also defines Domestic violence as violence that takes place in the home especially by one person against their partner.

Whereas Coercive Control  is psychological and emotional intimidation as a form of controlling behaviour.

Womans aid describes  Domestic Abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of coercive control threatening behaviour, degrading behaviour and violent behaviour which includes sexual disorder by an ex partner or partner but a member of the family or carer can also perpetrate it.
Although the number of women talking out about this is higher than those of men, suffer by and perpetrated by both men and women. But still seen as a vastly gender based issue.

The  categories for domestic abuse is Coercive control (intimidation, degradation, isolation, control with the threat of violence)

Psychological / Emotional abuse
Financial or economic abuse
Harassment and Stalking
Online or digital abuse



I often sit and think would I have spotted what the signs was? he wasn’t my first abusive partner but will be my last but the simple reason was no because I didn’t know what the signs was.



The signs of abuse as I learnt from a later date during my time in refuge.



Does your partner do any of the following? 

Belittle you
Blame you for the abuse
Deny it is even happening
Isolate you from your family and friends
Stop you going to college or work
Make unreasonable demands for your attention
Accuse you of having affairs or flirting with people
Tell you what to wear, how to act, who to see, where to go, what to think

Control your money or not give you enough to cover the food or essentials



Threats and Intimidation

Threaten to hurt or kill you or the family
Do they Destroy your belongings?

Stand over you or get into your personal space
Threaten to kill themselves
Read your emails, text messages
do they follow or harass you?



Physical Abuse 

do they slap or punch you?
have they pushed or shoved you
have they ever Bite or kicked you
burnt you
put you in choke holds or held you down
ever shot at you or thrown things at you


Sexual Abuse 

Touched you while you was asleep
He/She ever touches you in ways you don’t want
Make unwanted sexual demands
hurt you during sex
pressurise you into having unsafe sex
pressurise you to have sex with them when you don’t want it



Coercive control 

Coercive control or CC is an act or pattern of acts which are used to assault. Threaten, humiliate and intimidate the victim. But mainly the intent is to cause harm, punish or frighten their victims and make them reliant on the perpetrator.

 By isolating you from support mechanisms and often this leads to exploitation, deprivation of independence and coercive control is now a recognised crime.

Deprivation of food and other basic needs
monitoring your time
monitoring  you via online communication
Taking control over aspects of daily life
Repeatedly putting you down (ie saying your worthless)

humiliation, degradation, dehumanisation
controlling your finances
Making threats and intimidation
Remember even if you are in a relationship any unwanted touch or sex is considered rape.

Taking a break




The past few days have been hectic which is why I have not posted any poems for a while but I fully intend to do this I have hit 74,000 words on the book I am writing.  So right now I am focusing on finishing the book and reading as well as writing book reviews I have 50 + books to read and write reviews for.

I will be back


The sun goes down and the moons rises eternally,
quintessentially opposed to each other in every way,
A sense no matter how the world turns and moves on its axis.

The day turns to night with the natural events,
as the sun and moons effects the worlds motions,
a natural event since the day of creation within,
the celestial heavens as the world revolves,
as the light and darkness seeps into the fabric of the world.

Turning the positives into negatives with destructive ability,
just like the negativity in our lives serves to destroy,
the peace, and harmony, that remains in our minds,
and slowly engulfed, by the darkness we witness,
but remain steadfast and true to your personality.

Don’t give up to the darkness in the world that you see,
fight that negativity and stand for positiveness in our world,
we cherish and share for peace of mind and honour we bare,
if we stand against the negativity the darkness that we all share,
the black hounds of hellish designs can not break through the mask, of positiveness that we all wear when we look at all the possibilities, with in the world we live the honour and glories of life.

Don’t give into the darkness you see, stand firm in the world we live, stand for who you are and what’s your desire to be everyday of your life, be proud of who you are and the life you live to achieve your goals, and honour yourself no matter how the darkness seeks to destroy, the world you have created for yourself the place you need to be.

Although the negatives may outweigh the positives,
as the darkness seeks to destroy the peace and harmony,
we all come to expect within the fragile world of our creativity,
A careful balance is what is needed between reality and our minds,
to take the steps to improve our personal life and remove the negatives, remember do not give up and stand for who you are.

Short story 1

Mythras 17 years old

The harrowing screams if the prisoners could be heard throughout the prison grounds, as the chill in the air was one that cut straight through Mithra’s’s bones. As he sat shackled and chained, it was different somehow to other disciplines he’d seen other kids his age go trough on earth within the mortal world and the pain and suffering dished out to prisoners within Hellidon Bay a designated teen discipline re-education centre. He sat on his cold concrete slabbed bed with nothing in but something that stopped him seeing it seemed to cling to his face and wrapped around his head tight. Tight enough so it felt as if it was pinching his skin, the mask seemed to have a small rough cut circular piece joined to it which forced his mouth open slightly sometimes the soldiers grabbed him tight and forced something down the tube which Mithra’s hated it made him feel as if he was choking the more he fought the more pain he was in. This rubber that they forced down his throat meant he was suffocating momentarily as they poured hot liquid down. He could feel the warmth through the tube and the feeling sick as it hit his stomach, but he tried to talk.

The boy found he couldn’t do things, as his mind drifted to what had led him to the prison life. The nightmare he now found himself in a state of perpetual darkness unable to see or talk to anyone. The Prince who had fallen from the loving grace of his family the drugs and theft of the military vehicles his more mortal friends had been given lesser sentences. As the only thing he could hear was the continuous crowing of the crow and the drip of the water he couldn’t see where it was. he was scared but refused to show it unsure how long he had been in this personal hell he waited for the tube to be removed as he felt that he was going to pass out until they removed it pulled him to his feet they forced him to walk forward as they hooked large guide irons to the neck collar do they maintained the distance from the blinded prisoner.

The child could feel the sharp spikes in his neck as he was pulled along towards another room. Mithras remembered the King’s men explaining some or was he privy to watching another prisoner he was no longer sure things got mixed up in his mind. Some days he couldn’t even remember who he was. Sometimes he couldn’t remember his family or even if he had one, he was sore and cold “are job is to keep you alive Hunter by orders of the king. But that does not mean comfortable, heck it doesn’t even mean you have rights. We want to know who your working with Hunter” Mithra’s tried to focus on the gruff hard tones of the man’s voice as he desperately tried to cling onto anything.

“Fuck you I’m not saying.. You will kill me before I talk.“ Mithra’s tried to make it clear that he wasn’t going to talk he wasn’t giving anyone up.

“Hunter your seventeen, you have the rest of your life if you behave and give up the names of your associates within the gangs home.“ The gruff voice replied as they made the child lie down tilted at an angle with his head in a bucket of freezing cold water the device was designed so he would be fully aware of the water around his head “we have administered a couple of drafts of hallucinogenic drugs I advise you swallow it’s designed..” The gruff voice stopped Mithra’s knew he had no choice. But remained quiet, and the soldiers forced his head under the water which caused the child to fight out more than usual as they held his head under the water. With only the tip of the circular metallic device showing. Intermittently they would day his head from the water and allow him to take the short breaths.

“who are the Phoenix? What is Phoenix?“the gruff voice demanded an answer as Mithra’s was scared and trying to fill his lungs as much as he could realise he was not in charge but would hold out for as long as he could.

“FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.“ He seemed to scream at the soldiers unaware that the man had signalled to lower the boys head back into the water Mithra’s knew one thing to hide his gang from everyone even his best friends didn’t know about Phoenix. This punishment continued for months although to Mithra’s it felt like an eternity.

Day in and day out the same routines he had been split from his family and friends and thrown back into the centre of hell. Mithras knew one thing he never talked about the inner sanctum that the Dark Lore gang seemed to act as a cover for he was a young child scared but refused to let it show as he was put through the torturous anguish and pain and refused to show the pain he was in. As they moved him from one torturous interrogation routine through to another, the child refused to talk as they took the mask off finally granting him the chance to see where he was. Albeit briefly due to the fact he was not giving the information that they required. Mithras was in serious trouble and as far as the knights could tell it was getting worse.

Mithras sat in the dark cell and listened to the dripping water which he could now tell came from the other side of his cell. Where a slight warmth could be felt as he looked around the room he wanted to leave this nightmare behind him. But he did not know where he would go. As the sound of the cells slamming shut echoed around the chambers where his cell was situated as the soldiers left him to think and digest the work that was being carried out. The young teenager pulled his legs to his chest and tried to get comfortable on the cold concrete slab which had become his only source of rest from the pain of the punishments and interrogations that he was made to go through.

Never Give Up

Never give up no matter what,
never give into the darkness within,
the shielded light from the shadow,
never give in to the pain hidden inside,
the crevices of your mind.

But continue to strive,
for what you know you can achieve.
As the sun rises in the morning,
a new life begins for you,
a day of hope within the spring,
a time to cherish the positives.

I know all too often the negatives,
outweigh the positives or that may be how it seems,
but in those dark times remember you are not alone,
the horrors hidden from view are not just yours,
a cross we must bear the mantel we share.

But count the positives and know there is light,
the light is there for you to see and aim for
the light is ready and waiting for your approach,
if you never give up and seek to achieve.


Thank you for the like.

Alive by Sean Kerr



Author Sean Kerr
Title Alive
Genre MM, Welsh Crime, Paranormal, Gay Romance
Cover Is very intriguing
Page numbers: 266

In the book Alive we see the main character a 28-year-old James Godwin who is a successful writer/scriptwriter. While he deals with the debilitating illness of Buerger’s syndrome. And this he’s haunted by a dark shadow eventually, he meets a doctor Jack Thesiger who gives him the correct diagnosis and he then given Steve. But on the first appointment a steamy relationship occurs.
This book is a clever twist on a classic thriller and modern day shock horror in the writer’s typical style the writer’s characters are lifelike. I can say it is another masterpiece by the writer which has fun and thrills throughout the book. The characters are so vivid they seemed almost lifelike that I could perceive everything James was going through.
This book is scary and kept me turning the page, I can recommend this book. Although I would offer a warning that the dreams and sex scenes and language used are often explicit and erotic. Again you can tell this has been meticulously planned and researched by the author another masterpiece by Sean Kerr.
Available on  Kindle  priced £2.30
Available in paperback priced £10.00

Book Review – Dead Camp One

deadcamp one

Author:          Sean Kerr
Title:              Dead Camp 1
Cover:            eye-catching and intriguing
Genre:            LGBT, Paranormal, Historical, Religion, Angels and Demons. Vampires
Page count:    238

When I first found this book, I considered this was something unusual and I might not have enjoyed the work.  But taking the gamble I have enjoyed reading this book this was actually the first LGBT genre. And now I can say that Sean Kerr is my favourite author in this field.

This features a ghost, a vampire and a demon as well as an angel all the characters are extremely well characterized within the book so makes a more powerful combination characters who are vividly brought to life.

Though saying this the main character is a vampire who is portrayed as sarcastic and yet deeply troubled he is your classic tortured soul. Malachi is a ghost who is extremly funny.

The authors intellect and imagination coupled with the fact he has gone too great detail. To research the second world war and the nazis for the story makes all the difference. This is obvious throughout.  This serves to make the story even more realistic and engulfs you more in the immersive tale he weaves throughout the pages of the book.  There seems to be one slight mistake in the book and that is a comma, but no spelling or grammatical errors.  It is a well-paced book to help you immerse yourself in the captivating and imaginative story by Sean Kerr.

There are some dark tones to this book and sex scenes you might just shred a tear while reading it but a good read.

Available on Kindle Dead Camp One  priced £3.93

Available in paperback Dead Camp One priced £7.38